It went from no good to fucked up and over.

I have only been in love once. It was the most amazing experience, but ended in complete disaster.

J and I met through my roommate, someone who was a toxic friend in my life for several years. The romance was completely forbidden, but with mixtapes and late night phone calls we began a relationship.

He lived a four hour bus ride away, so for nine months much of my time was spent waiting in the greyhound station. It was all worth it though. When we were together it seemed as though nothing else matter. Reality ceased to exist and we were in our own world. The whole thing was very similar to a movie. I completely lost myself in the relationship and while doing so destroyed a relationship with my best friend and roommate.

The phone call that broke my heart was completely unexpected. It was over. He couldn't do it anymore, while I wanted to sacrifice everything to make it last. After the break-up I avoided everyone for weeks. I skipped classes to watch America's Next Top Model and eat lucky charms. Only the marshmallows though. That was the basis of my diet for 6 weeks.

I let myself fall because he was my support. He was my everything. Have you ever been in love? I mean like truly in love. Best and worst thing ever.

Following the break up, J would listen to me cry to him on the phone as he repeatedly say, " I don't know what to say or do." I would keep crying, he would keep listening.

We dwelled in our own heartache.

Those few weeks broke me. Even now, years later, I still compare guys to him. I often wonder if I will ever forget.